i guess in this last year things have taken a turn for the worst, and then comming around full circle again for the bette.r

i can't really say that things have been bad, its just like... i was working full time and drinking a lot :(

i really feel like this is not good for peoples minds or bodies, and i noticed that i was just doing it because i thought it was the normal thing to do, which ive noticed is very very dangours.

i am grateful for the money i made and it allowed to buy house, and car. those were the positives taht came out, and discovering philadelphia as a new city to me, something that i can live in and have fun, not just come down to party or for the day. i am very content and happy right now, something ihavn't felt in a long time, and "stable". i noticed that doing things i like, versus doing things i have to do make me feel a lot better at the end of the day, even if it isn't as profitable. its very interesting because you would think that these things are obvoius, which they are, but i feel i had a hard time actually putting into practice these ideas. either it was complelty workign full time, or not working at all . this balance is wonderful. part time working that doesn't involve a lot of repsonsibility is pretty much the way to go.

i realized also, that the word "crazy" is a nice way to describe my actions and philosophys.
i stopped caring about what i "could" do, regretting what i "could have" done.. and now focus on my daily accomplishments however tiny they may seem and congradulate myself for making dinner, cleaning up the house, picking up fall leaves, taking walk, or finishing crocheting a hat. I like trying everyday to make someone happy, or do something for someone else, and myself, then i feel like it was a good day.

i noticed that i am not really interested in things that are mainstream. i wonder usually what mainstream actually is, does it mean things that are on tv, and media and these are the things that we are taught to think are what we should be buying and listening to? it seems to me like tv, is , really horrifying. i wasn't really aware of how many people watched it, but upon meeting more people in the city and asking them about tv, i noticed that pretty much everyone goes home and watches it after they are done work and becomes obssessed with shows and put things on hold in the lives in order to watch it. i wonder, what comes out of watching tv that is a charge or high? i think that sometimes it is fun to watch a movie and consider taking outon the adventure that the charector was doing in the movie. but i can't imagine actually just sitting for hours and hours and watching sometthing taht ou are no partaking in.

it is curous that words and sounds form together to make words. like each little thing that i press has a meaning, and a sound that you say when it is on the screen or paper.
i wonder why people have prejudice again'st people that have different ways to say things, different languages, its really just a different art. ive been thinking about that a lot lately because i noticed that sometimes there is strange feelings people get about "religons" being different from theirs.. and it is strange to me because it is all the same thing, it just has a different name because someone likes to turn their pen a different way when they write it out.

ive been learning briefly about religous groups burning "witches" in times past. i wonder why they did that, i wonder why they thought that it was a bad thing. i wonder if these women actuall did anything that was morally wrong, or if they were just practicing making medicines with herbs, or healing people and then these men and women got jealous of them because they coudln't do it ? what was that all about?